Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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