i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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