i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
