I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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