no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
