I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
