had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
