it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
