No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
