I've blown a few things in my day
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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