i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
