I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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