First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
