He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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