Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
