Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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