At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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