ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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