i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
