dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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