Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
