I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
