I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
