She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
