By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
