I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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