OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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