remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't deserve a penis
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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