one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want nice things and good sex