Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You can't just leave with hair like that
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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