im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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