Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
