You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Randomize
