We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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