I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
