when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
