I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
