please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
