In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
