got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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