i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
