what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
