Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
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I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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