Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
