did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
