You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
