Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
