she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
