no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
