I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
