Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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