y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just pynch a tree in the face
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
