Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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