So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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