Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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