I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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