For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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