Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.