so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
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Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.