I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
