She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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