Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
