Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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