No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just tell him i said nine months
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
