***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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