Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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