I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
