i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
