I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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