I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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