she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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