cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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