If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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