omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
